Fierce-Ryder (Fierce Family Series Book 7) Read online

  It would get the job done, especially if she liked to cook, but he could fit two of her kitchens in his.

  “It’s a nice place.”

  “Small,” she said. “But we like it and I’m not sure I could manage much more.”

  “I have a feeling you could manage just about anything,” he said.

  She just nodded her head at him. “I’ve had to. But I didn’t want to overtax myself and buy something that I couldn’t afford or take care of. I like the small lawn, as I can mow it in thirty minutes or less, but Tommy wishes he had more space.”

  “I wanted a bigger swing set, but Mom said the one I got was good enough,” Tommy said. “We go to the park or the playground all the time though. My school is only two blocks away.”

  He didn’t want to hear that his kid had to settle, but he couldn’t change a damn thing in the past no matter how much he wished he could.

  “Maybe we can drive by your school so I can see where it is. And other places around that you spend time at.”

  “Can we, Mom?”

  “We can,” she said. “It’s a nice day and should be high sixties this afternoon if you want to walk over.”

  “I’d like that,” he said. “I didn’t have any concrete plans other than spending time with Tommy. I mean if you’ve got stuff you need to do you can.”

  “No,” she said firmly.

  “I didn’t mean that I was trying to get rid of you. You’re acting like you don’t trust me to be alone with my son.”

  “Tommy, why don’t you go to your room and get your sneakers on while Ryder and I talk.”

  “Okay,” Tommy said, running off.

  “I’m sorry. I feel like I’m saying this to you a lot.”

  “You should be,” he said. “You robbed me of a lot of time with my kid.”

  He could see he hit a nerve and it was not what he wanted, but she just set him off with that final-sounding “no” like a judge slamming the gavel down.

  She took a deep breath. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. Tommy doesn’t know you.”

  “You do. You met my entire family on top of it. We are all pretty law abiding citizens,” he said.

  “I know. And I’m grateful that your family was so welcoming and open. Tommy has been talking about it nonstop.”

  “He has?” he asked, feeling a little bit better.

  “Yes. He loves how much room there is in your house to run around. His room is like a kid’s dream come true. He wondered how big of a swing set could fit in the backyard. Let’s not forget about your parents’ house. The basketball hoop in the massive driveway, the pool in the back.”

  “You’re doing a great job with him that I can see.”

  “I am. Don’t you forget that. But I can’t give him what you can. I can’t write out a fifty thousand-dollar check in the blink of an eye or drive a car that costs more than that check.”

  So this was her feeling like she couldn’t measure up, but he was going to be damned if he had it thrown in his face. “Maybe if you’d told me about Tommy...oh, I don’t know...when you were pregnant. When you had him. Any time after that,” he growled. “He could have had some of those things. You wouldn’t have felt the crunch or the pressure of raising him alone.”

  She put her chin up. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

  “You’re doing a shitty impersonation of that.”

  “Don’t swear in front of Tommy,” she said, crossing her arms.

  “He’s not in front of me,” he argued back.

  Her eyes started to fill and he regretted the last five minutes, but she knew every one of his buttons to push. “Can we start over?” she asked.

  “Fine,” he said.

  “I’m feeling a little, ah...not worthy right now. I’ve got a decent job and I can support Tommy just fine. We don’t have your family’s money and I don’t want it.”

  “You’re getting it,” he said. He figured now wasn’t the time to tell her that his parents set up a college fund for Tommy or that he’d changed his will.

  Her chin lifted up and wobbled a little and he did the only thing he could—he pulled her into his arms and held her.

  She started to wiggle and try to get away, but he wasn’t letting go. He ran his hands up and down her back trying to calm her until her tense shoulders relaxed and she started to cry a lot harder.

  His heart was breaking and he wondered how much she’d held in her whole life.

  He pulled her to the couch and sat down, her next to him. She moved out of his arms fast and wiped her eyes with her sleeves. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “Yes, you do. You’ve been doing it alone for a long time even though you didn’t need to. And now that Tommy is sick and you know what has to be done to fix him, you’re scared. Shit, I’m scared. But I’m not going anywhere and there is no reason you need to shoulder this all alone anymore.”

  “I’ve got family. I’m never alone.”

  “But you don’t let go with them, do you?”

  “No,” she said.

  “You can with me. I know I just met Tommy, but the connection was there instantaneously. You can put on a brave front for him, but you don’t need to for me.”

  She swallowed and nodded her head, then got up and grabbed a tissue to blow her nose. “Thank you. I haven’t had a good cry in a long time.”

  “And when you do it’s in bed alone at night, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “Since you’re emotional I might as well get this out of the way now.”

  Her shoulders fell. “Is it bad? I’m not sure I can take much more.”

  “Not for me, but the steel rod in your back might poke through.”

  She snorted, but he handed over a piece of paper he’d pulled out of his pocket. “I could have emailed this to you but wanted to give it to you in person.”

  “What is it?” she asked, unfolding it. “Jesus, Ryder!”

  “State law in South Carolina is twelve percent of my salary. I owe you nine years’ worth. You got a lump sum and I’ll pay down the rest with his monthly installments. That’s the legal copy and calculations my lawyers drew up. If you don’t mind giving your bank information to Kara, she’ll set up biweekly deposits right from my check.”

  “This is way too much. I had no idea.”

  “It’s owed to you. It’s owed to Tommy. It’s non-negotiable. I can send you a damn check each month, but I thought it’d save us both the hassle of writing and cashing it if it could be done electronically.”

  “This is too much. It’s a lot. I don’t want to affect your lifestyle. You’ve got that nice house and—”

  “Don’t argue with me. Money isn’t an issue. I have a lot put away already and I put a lot away each month. I’m just putting less away.”

  “I don’t need this. Or all of it. I paid off Tommy’s medical bills and put the rest of the money last week into a college fund for him. I’ll just add to it each month.”

  “That’s your choice what you do with it,” he said.

  “Can I come out now?” Tommy yelled from his room.

  She laughed. “He knows when I tell him to put his shoes on and there is another adult here that it means I need to talk. I’m surprised he stayed in there as long as he did.”

  Ryder figured their private time was done for now and they could talk later tonight then. “Yes, you can come out.”

  Tommy came running out. “Why are you crying?” He turned sharply and narrowed his eyes at Ryder. “What did you say to make my mom cry?”

  “Tommy,” Marissa said. “Don’t get mad at Ryder. He didn’t say anything.”

  “You’re not going to tell him?” he asked. He didn’t know how much Tommy knew about things and figured he should find out.

  “I suppose he should know but don’t go into details. He doesn’t need that.”

  “Come here,” Ryder said, patting the couch. “I want you to know if I knew about you, I would have
been in your life.”

  “Why didn’t you know?” he asked.

  He turned to look at Marissa to see how she’d answer. “It’s a long story, Tommy, but I will take the blame. I told you this. I didn’t tell Ryder about you. No one knew who your father was.”

  “You told him because I was sick?” Tommy asked.

  “We had this conversation,” she said. “I’d do anything to make you better. I needed to get you in to see Sam.”

  “Okay,” Tommy said, just accepting that.

  “If I knew about you,” he continued, “I would have taken care of you. Financially. Dads do that too. Your mother is upset because I gave her money last week and more today. She didn’t want it.”

  “Why?” Tommy turned to his mom. “If you had more money then you could buy yourself something and not always spend it on me.”

  Now that just broke his heart. “A parent always puts their kids first,” she said, then walked over and gave him a kiss on the top of the head. “And you’re too young to talk money. You asked why I was crying and that was it. I have to get used to having Ryder around when it’s just been the two of us.”

  Though he wanted to be insulted by those words, he actually felt relieved that he was going to be staying.

  11

  What I Said

  Marissa had been thrilled they’d moved past that and got out of house.

  The last thing she wanted to do was be in Ryder’s arms again. She’d been holding in so much for years being a single mother and she knew a lot of it was her fault.

  But she’d been so in love with Ryder and wondered if she didn’t show it to him. Or even say it enough. If she was too controlled at times and he wanted so much more. She’d thought back for years the where or what went wrong. Why he’d said what he had.

  She was prideful, and though she should have reached out, she didn’t. Even if there were so many times she wanted to or thought of doing it. When she was alone at night wondering how she was going to do it by herself.

  But she’d made the decision to do it alone and, as wrong as it was, she was determined to prove she could.

  And when her chin wobbled earlier and he pulled her in his arms, the damn just broke. She was done.

  It’d been a long time since she’d been held by a man. Way too long. Years.

  And to be held by Ryder and feel her heart pound in her chest told her that attraction she’d fought the first time he’d asked her out years ago was still there.

  She couldn’t fall prey to it again. She couldn’t get hurt. Ryder was going to be a part of her life now and she’d have to learn to just channel those feelings she still held into a dark closet and lock them away.

  The three of them decided to get some lunch, then drive around Greensville, Tommy directing them on what he wanted Ryder to see. She’d offered to drive so that Ryder could actually pay attention to what Tommy was saying rather than following directions.

  Now they were at the school playground where Tommy and Ryder played catch with the glove Ryder brought with him. She should have figured he’d have a few moves up his sleeve, but she had to admit her son was having a ball playing catch with his father. A sight she’d never thought she would witness.

  “Mom,” Tommy yelled across the field. “When are we going to Grandma and Grandpa’s?”

  “Four,” she said. Her parents and Cody wanted to meet Ryder and she couldn’t tell them no. The compromise was to go for dinner and stay a few hours. They’d spent three hours at Ryder’s parents, so she was being fair and told her parents that it would be equal.

  She had every intention of leaving earlier if they started to give him shit. The last thing she needed was a pissing war in front of Tommy and she’d warned her father and brother to behave. That Ryder’s family was kind to her and she expected them to do the same.

  She watched as Ryder and Tommy played some more catch after they’d gotten ice cream an hour ago. She wanted to tell them no, but found she couldn’t really tell Ryder no too much. He was trying and her son was loving the attention.

  “I suppose we should head to my parents’ house,” she said, looking at her watch. It was three forty-five and she’d been dreading it while she watched the two of them running around laughing and playing.

  “Let’s,” Ryder said. “Might as well get this over with. I can see you are struggling and I’m not sure why.”

  She didn’t understand why he would say that but didn’t want to say anything with Tommy in front of them. Then she finally said, “Our last words to each other years ago weren’t the best.”

  He looked at her, held her stare and she could see a change come over him. Like he was pissed at her. “And they know what I said?”

  “They do,” she said, lifting her chin. She’d told them just the basics early on when she’d found out she was pregnant and then changed the subject every time they asked about Tommy’s father after.

  She drove them the rest of the way there in silence and when she pulled in the driveway, Tommy hopped out fast and ran to the front door. She was slower to get out with Ryder.

  “What?” she asked. “You look pissed off.”

  “Just didn’t want a reminder of that day,” he said.

  “Do you think I do?” she asked.

  “We can’t go in there like this,” he said. “I’m trying to make a good impression. Everyone in my life knows me as a happy carefree person and you just knock it all out of me.”

  That just ticked her off. “Don’t blame me for that.”

  “Who am I supposed to blame?” he whispered, leaning closer to her. “My life has been turned upside down in the past week and I’m adjusting the best I can. It seems we take two steps forward and ten steps back.”

  At least she wasn’t the only one feeling that way and wondered if he was as affected by the hug as she was.

  “Ryder,” Tommy yelled from the front porch. “Come on.”

  Ryder put a smile on his face and moved forward, determined to push the past ten minutes from his mind.

  Marissa had never been one to show a lot of emotion, but he hadn’t had a problem with it other than he always had to guess what was going on in her brain.

  They’d said they loved each other and he had believed it. Then he wondered how many other people she’d been that detached and controlled with in her life. Were words spoken but the emotions fake?

  And when he held her earlier. And she cried. She’d been all embarrassed, but damn it all, he felt the intake of her breath. He felt her stiffen. And he swore he could feel her heart pounding next to his chest.

  What he didn’t know was the exact reason for it.

  It wasn’t the time to talk about it now. Especially since she’d set him off by bringing up their last day at college when he’d told her he was done. When he said some pretty nasty things to her and called her even worse, and when she acted like she didn’t know what he was talking about, he’d piled on some more insults. Then he walked away.

  He was going to have to start to put it behind him if they were going to forge ahead.

  He knew he was a match for a transplant having the same blood type as Tommy. Marissa wasn’t. She said her mother and brother weren’t, but her father was. Only her father had sustained a lot of injuries from an accident and it wasn’t advised.

  Not that he cared because if his kid needed a transplant, he was the first in line. He was stepping up to the plate. End of story. And he’d make sure she knew that along with her family if it came to it.

  Marissa held the door open for him and he walked in. He wasn’t intimidated much in life and wasn’t going to be now, but it was a little daunting to be walking into what might be considered enemy grounds.

  Her mother was smiling at least and came forward with her hand out. She looked like an older version of Marissa. “Hi,” she said. “I’m Lauren. We’re happy to finally meet you.”

  “The same,” he said. “This has all been a shock to me, but I’m ready to dive right into e
verything.”

  “So we’ve been told,” Lauren said. “Tommy talks about you a lot. This is my husband, Kyle, and son, Cody.”

  He shook hands with them both, Marissa having ditched him. He wasn’t sure what that was about, but she came out a minute later with three beers in her hand.

  “Here,” she said. “I think you three guys might need it. Behave, all of you.”

  He looked stunned over that statement. “I’m not about to start anything,” Ryder said. “I want to know everything I can of what I’ve missed for years.”

  He put the beer to his lips, proud that he kept the sarcasm out of his voice.

  “If Marissa had given your name to any of us it wouldn’t have been this long,” Cody said. “I would have hunted you down.”

  He laughed at her younger brother. The guy was bigger than him in muscle but not by much, but he was a few inches shorter. “And what exactly would you have done? Try putting yourself in my shoes. I was in the dark.”

  “Cody,” Marissa said. “I told you not to start this. I’m going to take the blame for everything. I’ve never denied it.”

  Ryder lifted his eyebrows and looked at Marissa’s father. Kyle was looking at his daughter and scowling. Something more was going on. “What am I missing?” he asked, never one to hold back.

  “It’s been a sore subject that we didn’t know who you were,” her father said.

  “I would have been here had I known.”

  “We just need to move forward,” Lauren said. “Come on in and tell us about yourself.”

  “I want to play though,” Tommy said. “I’ve got a bat here and the yard is bigger. Ryder said he’d pitch to me. He used to play baseball. Uncle Cody played too.” Tommy ran over and gave his uncle a high five. Ryder hadn’t missed how close those two were. That when he walked in his son was standing in front of Cody, with Cody’s hands on Tommy’s shoulders. If he felt jealous that his son had other men in his life, he was going to have to swallow his pride and fight the ugly green monster back and just be happy Tommy had someone.