Fierce-Ryder (Fierce Family Series Book 7) Read online

  He couldn’t turn back the hands of time no matter how much he wanted to start spinning some dials.

  All he could do was prove himself like he’d been trying to do to his family for years.

  “Maybe later,” Ryder said. “We’ve been playing catch and running around all day, but if anyone wants to go out we can. I think your grandparents and uncle want to have some conversations with me.”

  “Why?” Tommy said.

  “Because I’m a stranger to them and they want to feel me out.”

  Tommy shrugged his shoulders. “Can I go play basketball?”

  “Why don’t you go out for a little bit,” Lauren said. “I’ll call you in when it’s dinnertime.”

  Now that his son was out of the room, he knew the real shit would hit the fan.

  “We aren’t getting into a pissing match,” Marissa said. “Ryder and I are going to make this work.”

  “Make what work?” Cody said.

  Ryder frowned. “I plan on being active in my son’s life. I’ve got a lot of time to make up for. I’ve got a big family and they’ve all been deprived of time with their grandson and nephew. I’m not going to take Tommy away from Marissa. I told her that.”

  “We talked about this,” she told everyone in the room. “We are going to work it out with the lawyers.”

  “You owe her a lot. She struggled for years and wouldn’t tell anyone,” her father said. “She’s always had more pride than what was good for her.”

  “Pot calling the kettle, Dad,” she said. “I don’t want his money. I told you that.”

  Ryder felt his face flush. “I’ve taken care of it. That’s between Marissa and me, but she seems to fight me on everything I give her.”

  “This is a tacky conversation,” Marissa said. “Mom, let me help you with dinner. I need to get out of this room.”

  But she wanted to leave him here with her father and brother. Tommy came running in. “Will someone please shoot baskets with me?”

  He was going to volunteer, but Marissa’s father stood up and walked out. He noticed Kyle had a slight limp and remembered now that Marissa had said her parents had gotten in a car accident right after she graduated and her father had needed multiple back surgeries. Looked like he was still struggling.

  He’d looked around the house when he came in. It was a nice middle class neighborhood but nothing was updated. Nothing was new and he wondered if money had been an issue all around and they were keeping it from him.

  “Looks like it’s just the two of us,” Cody said.

  Ryder laughed. “You know, I’m the youngest of three boys. And the youngest of twelve in my family. Ten boys. All much bigger than you. Do you really think you can intimidate me?”

  He figured he might as well throw it out there. Cody snorted. “I don’t know what the hell happened with you two. I don’t know if you just were screwing each other.”

  He wanted to jump up and grab Cody by the shirt for saying that about his sister. “Watch your mouth.”

  “Why? You didn’t. You said some pretty harsh and nasty things to her.”

  So she did tell her family. He wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth but by the looks of Cody they might have heard it all. “You don’t know anything. You know her side of it and that is it.”

  “Then why don’t you tell me yours,” he said.

  “No,” Marissa said, coming into the room. “You don’t need to know. That’s a conversation Ryder and I will have when the time comes to it. If it comes to it.”

  “What do you mean if?” Cody asked. “Don’t you want to know why he called you a bitch? A whore? A slut? That you weren’t good enough for him and he should have known that from day one. That you were just trying to step up in the world.”

  Ryder felt his face light on fire. “He obviously had his reasons,” she said.

  “Your sister knows what they are.”

  Cody looked at Marissa and Ryder followed his gaze. Her eyes filled and her bottom lip wobbled. “Look at her,” Cody said. “Do you really think she does?”

  Ryder watched Cody walk out of the room, leaving the two of them there. “Now isn’t the time for this,” she said.

  “When will be?” he asked.

  “Later. I can’t move forward without going back in the past. I need to know why you said those things.”

  He snorted. “I’ll gladly refresh your memory later tonight then.”

  12

  I Was Hurt

  Once Tommy was in bed, Marissa went into the living room bringing Ryder a cup of coffee and one for her. “Sorry it’s not as good as yours.”

  “There is nothing better than coffee when you are in need. Doesn’t matter the kind.”

  She sent him a shaky smile. He’d said that too many times in the past too. “Very true. So who is going to start? We need to clear the air. It’s the only way I’m going to be able to go forward without wanting to fight all the time.”

  “Fine,” he said. “I think this needs to be said.”

  “Why did you do it? Why did you say all those things to me?”

  “You really have no clue?” he said, looking shocked.

  “No. I don’t. One day we were talking about where I’d be looking for a job and the next we’re done.”

  “I remember I wanted you to look for a job in Durham and you wanted no part of it. I guess I knew why.”

  “Why?” she asked, ready to pull her hair out.

  “Bryan,” he said.

  “Who?”

  “Your ex, Bryan.”

  “What about that piece of shit?”

  “You were cheating on me with him. Or cheating on him with me,” he said. “Not sure which way it was.”

  “You’re nuts,” she said. “I can’t stand him. I couldn’t stand him.”

  Ryder took a deep breath. “I saw you two kissing outside your dorm room.”

  She paused and then looked at him and dropped her head down. “Are you kidding me? You saw it and never said a word to me? You must not have stayed very long or you would have seen me put my knee in his groin and then slap his face and push him against the wall and go back into my room.”

  “What?” he asked, standing up like he was going to grab her by the arms and shake her. “Why didn’t you say anything to me when I was calling you every name in the book?”

  “Because I was hurt,” she said back. “I was stunned and then I realized regardless of what I might say that you obviously felt that way about me deep down.”

  “Fuck!” he shouted.

  “Lower your voice.”

  “Let’s go talk outside,” he said.

  “No. I don’t want my neighbors to hear this.” She was almost as shocked right now as she was when Ryder broke up with her.

  How was it possible that a misunderstanding had lasted so long and neither one of them said a word?

  “I don’t even know what to say right now. Regardless, you still shouldn’t have withheld Tommy from me. As pissed off as I was back then I wouldn’t have abandoned you. Now your entire family thinks I’m an asshole.”

  “It’s probably no different than what your family thinks of me,” she said.

  “They don’t know anything,” he said. “I didn’t tell them much because I wanted them to get to know you and accept you as you’d be part of the family. What I felt for you because of what I thought happened shouldn’t have any weight on how they treat you.”

  Unlike what she did. She knew she was wrong to withhold Tommy from Ryder. And it made her feel worse he was protecting his family from what he’d thought was true. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed out. “I’ll be saying it for years to come. I know it was wrong, but I was so hurt. First Bryan cheated on me and broke my heart and then to have you say those things. To know you thought it of me. What I felt for you was so much bigger and stronger than I did for Bryan. It hurt so much worse. There was no way I was ready to talk to you. Then my parents’ accident and having to tell them I was pregnant. For years
they wanted to know who Tommy’s father was.”

  “Why didn’t you tell them?”

  “Because Cody would have hunted you down. You would have been easy to find.” At this point she figured there was no reason to hide this. “I knew you went to work at your father’s firm. It was never a secret.”

  “Have you been checking in on me?” he asked, his head tilted. She could see he wanted to smile but wasn’t.

  “I figured I should know where you were. Ryder, I have a will, you are listed as Tommy’s father and next of kin if something happened to me. You know you were listed as his father on his birth certificate. I always knew I’d have to tell you.”

  “Which just pisses me off more. If you knew that then why wait?”

  She stood up. He was pacing and she hated that he was towering over her like this. “I have no answer other than I was still hurt. The longer I waited the harder it was going to be. I didn’t...I didn’t want you to take him away from me. Are you happy now? I could never fight you. Not if it came down to a long legal battle. I don’t have your wealth or your backing.”

  “You think I would have done that? You think so little of me?”

  He looked devastated and she had no one to blame but herself. “I just remember how you were when you were shouting at me. It’s my last memory of you.”

  Even if she had so many other ones.

  The fun-loving guy that made her laugh when others couldn’t. Who loosened up the control and calm she always had.

  Then everything blew up in her face like an exploding pie of slime and she was going to be wiping it off for years to come.

  “I shouldn’t have said those things. They were said based on what I saw. If you were hurt, imagine how I felt to get to the point to say them.”

  “And if you’d stuck around and didn’t take off you would have seen the truth. I can’t believe you. You were a little bit of a hothead. Why didn’t you make it known you saw it? The man I remembered would have confronted Bryan. You probably would have put your fist in his face.”

  As if he hadn’t been kicked in the ass enough in the past few weeks, what he always believed of Marissa was false.

  His hatred of her that day and the months, maybe even years after, were for nothing.

  She wanted to know why he didn’t confront them...should he tell her? Would it make a difference?

  Would it start something with them?

  The better question was, did he want to try to start over? Could they even?

  He was damn well willing but knew enough to not voice that now.

  What he could do was be honest with her. “I was heartbroken,” he said. “Anyone else, I would have laughed and just walked away from or I would have confronted it for the fun of it and then broken it off. But you, I loved you, Marissa. I thought we felt the same way.”

  She put her head down and started to drag her hands through her hair. “We did,” she said.

  “You’re going to pull your hair out,” he said. “I happen to like it like that.”

  She snorted. “So much time wasted. I just...I’m at a loss right now of what to say. What to do. What I threw away.”

  “What we both threw away.”

  “We’re different people now, Ryder. We’ve got a serious issue to deal with and we’ve got to put Tommy first.”

  Which was putting him back in his place. He was going to be damned if he stayed there though. “Tommy will be first. But there is no reason we can’t try to put some of this behind us.”

  “Can you though?” she asked. “Can you really forgive me for withholding Tommy from you for years?”

  He didn’t know the answer to that. “I don’t know. I guess it’s like you said. There is so much going on at once and we need to get through this surgery and then focus on Tommy.”

  But the next morning when he was getting ready to leave, he gave Tommy a high five. “When will I see you again?” Tommy asked.

  “Ryder and I will talk about it later.”

  “I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks,” Tommy said. “Will I see you for that?”

  “You definitely will,” he said. “Your mother and I will talk things over and work it out. I’ve got to go out of town for a few days next week for work, but we’ll figure something out.”

  “Thanks for coming, Ryder. I had fun. Did you have fun here? I wish you could have stayed longer.”

  He rubbed his hand on the top of Tommy’s dark hair. He desperately wanted to give the kid a hug but wasn’t sure how it’d be received. He didn’t want to be pushed away. He’d been pushed away way too much in his life.

  “Tommy, why don’t you stay in the house and I’m going to walk Ryder out.”

  “You want to talk to him. I know. You can say that,” Tommy said.

  “Yes. I want to talk to him privately.”

  Ryder picked up his bag and started to leave even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. Marissa walked out with him and he put his bag in the car and then turned to lean against the door. “What do you want to say to me?”

  “I’m going to tell my parents and brother the truth today.”

  “What’s that? That I saw something and it was a big misunderstanding? I still said those things to you. That doesn’t excuse it.”

  “No. It doesn’t. Nor does it excuse what I did to you which was much worse and more unforgivable. Yours were words in anger, mine were actions. We all know actions speak louder than words. My parents haven’t been happy with my decision over it for years. They stopped bringing it up because it would cause a fight, but I want them to know. I don’t want them judging you just like your family didn’t judge me.”

  “I’ll tell my family too. I’m sure my mother is going to give me an earful when she hears what I said. She’ll probably slap my arm and threaten to ground me.”

  Marissa laughed. “She can’t ground you.”

  “No. But she’ll think she can. I’ll get all sorts of lectures I’m sure. But it’s probably time everyone knows and is on equal ground. Or an equal playing field.”

  “It’s best,” she said.

  “Are we good?” he asked.

  “I guess it depends on what good means.”

  He held his arms open. “Good enough for a hug before I leave?”

  “Ryder?” she said. He knew that tone. The one that said to not even think of it.

  “What? We’ve had an emotional twenty-four hours. Or are you afraid you might start to cry if you are in my arms again?” He knew he was pushing it throwing salt in a gaping wound like that, but he had to find out too.

  She took a step forward. “No,” she said. He put his arms around her. “This doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You’re lying to yourself,” he said, laughing. “But we’ll let it go for now.” She was in his arms again and the last thing he wanted to do was let go, but he knew he had to.

  He got in his car, and as he pulled away, he saw her standing there watching him and wondered what his future was going to hold now.

  13

  Sacrificed Enough

  It was holding as strong as a damn with multiple cracks in it and a hurricane beating on the door. “What do you mean he’s sick?” Ryder said to his brother Sam.

  He was driving back to Durham now after being gone for two days and the last thing he expected was to get a call that Tommy was sick. Nor did he expect to get it from Sam and not Marissa. Especially when he talked to her last night and she’d never said a word.

  “He went to the doctor this morning with a fever and a sore throat. They took a culture for strep and it came back positive. His pediatrician and I have been in contact a lot due to the surgery and dealing with records and tests. He called me personally so we could talk about what antibiotics to put him on. He’s had a lot already and now has a resistance to them.”

  Which of course he knew because Sam had told him, not Marissa. “So what now?”

  “We are putting him on penicillin. That should work, but the la
st time he was on it, it didn’t. It doesn’t seem as severe as the last time he had strep so that’s what we are trying. I take it Marissa hasn’t said anything to you. I thought things were good between you two.”

  He’d gone right to his parents’ house when he’d gotten back in town on Sunday and called a family meeting laying it all out on the line.

  He was right—his mother got up and slapped his arm and told him it was completely disrespectful of him to say what he did to Marissa even if it had been true, which none of it was.

  His brothers didn’t say much other than shake their heads. Sam did try to stick up for him, but then made some crack about knowing why Ryder only dates blonde bimbos, as Marissa obviously broke his heart.

  He wanted to argue that statement and figured it’d all fall on deaf ears so he didn’t. He just changed the subject.

  “I thought they were too, yet she never said a word about Tommy being sick. I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

  “I did just get off the phone with Tommy’s pediatrician about an hour ago. I’d been between patients just like now. It’s possible Marissa is getting Tommy settled and then will call you.”

  “I’m going to find out, you can bet your ass on that,” he said and then disconnected the call.

  “Hello,” Marissa said five minutes later.

  “When were you going to tell me Tommy was sick?”

  There was silence on the other end. “I just walked in the door with his medicine. Can I get it in him and call you back once he’s settled?”

  He wanted to say no, but knew that was being childish. “Call me right back,” he said.

  He kept driving, knowing he was only an hour from Durham and decided he wasn’t going in the office. He’d get to work at home. He was way too distracted and his mind was racing on if he should change directions and head to Greenville or not.

  When the phone rang ten minutes later, he hit the button on his steering wheel to answer it. “How is he?”