Fierce-Ryder (Fierce Family Series Book 7) Read online

  “Your time will come. Look at Jolene. She doesn’t have enough time to spread around with her grandkids now.”

  “And she’d have it no other way.”

  7

  Share My Time

  “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Ryder asked when they were driving back to his house several hours later. His family would have kept them there all night if they had their way, but he knew it was too much for both Marissa and Tommy.

  “No. And I think Tommy would have stayed if he was given the choice.”

  “I find I don’t want to share my time with him,” Ryder admitted. “But I couldn’t deny my parents the time either.”

  He knew his parents would understand. His mother had pulled him aside more than once so giddy. Even his father was a little misty eyed a time or two. The day went better than expected or could have been anticipated considering he knew they were pretty disappointed in him.

  It was the one thing his family had always feared with him, which was why he was very careful. He’d been careful back in college too but obviously not careful enough.

  There’d been a time or two he and Marissa had gone out drinking and she’d driven him back. He always remembered a condom, but maybe they’d gotten sloppy in their rush to the bedroom.

  Who was he to question it now and he had to stop looking back and trying to figure it out. It’s not like he doubted Tommy was his child, but his lawyer had advised he take a paternity test, which he had using a sample of Tommy’s DNA from his tests at the hospital. Sam already said he and Tommy shared the same blood type, making him a match if it came down to it for a liver transplant.

  Did those thoughts scare him silly? Fuck yeah. But it was his kid and if he needed to step up, he was damn well doing it.

  Long gone were his wild ways and everyone saying how irresponsible he was. He was going to prove to them all he wasn’t.

  No one was asking him a million questions today, but he knew it was coming. They were only biding their time and come tomorrow when Marissa was on her way back to Greenville, his mother already said there was going to be a family dinner at her house. He couldn’t tell her no.

  “I understand,” Marissa said. “I’m willing to work with you on this, but driving here all the time is hard too. I’ve got things I need to do and take care of and manage on the weekends. But of course I will try to be as accommodating as possible.”

  “I can always go to Greenville,” he said.

  “Thank you.”

  He nodded his head. “So, are you in the mood for my famous burgers for dinner?” he asked Tommy when they pulled into his driveway.

  “What’s so famous about them?” Tommy asked.

  The minute they were in the garage, his son was unbuckling and jumping out. The kid had no patience just like him at that age.

  No one had ever asked him that before and he wasn’t sure what to say. He looked at Marissa and saw her eyes laughing at him. “It’s my own recipe,” he said. “My cousin Aiden is the famous James Beard award-winning chef in the family, but he’s given me a few tips now and again. If I weren’t an architect, I might have been a chef too, but I knew I couldn’t compete with Aiden.”

  “Does it have to be a competition?”

  “When you’re the youngest in the entire family, everything is a competition.”

  “Guess you won the first grandchild award by a mile,” Marissa said, but she wasn’t laughing when she said it.

  “And then some,” he said back.

  “Can I go play with something in the bedroom?” Tommy asked.

  “Sure,” he said. “Or you can bring it out here if you want while I cook dinner. I’d like to see you build something if that is what you were looking to do.”

  “Cool,” Tommy said, taking off on a run.

  “He never does anything slow,” she said. “Can I help you with dinner?”

  “I’m good,” he said. “Just have a seat. I’d say we could talk, but since he’s in the room, it’s probably not best for some things. Why don’t you tell me more about Tommy.”

  “What do you want to know?” she asked while she sat at the island. Tommy was back with the most advanced construction set that was for older kids and Ryder was pretty impressed that was the one he went with.

  “Anything you want to tell me I want to know.”

  He got to work on dinner and prepared to listen. “As you can see, Tommy is a pretty active child. We’ve tried a lot of sports in the past few years.”

  “I like baseball the best,” Tommy said. “Basketball is okay, but I only tried it because my best friend plays and I wanted to do it with him. But I’m not as good.”

  He laughed. “I like watching basketball and I’ve been to several Charlotte Hornet games, but I don’t play it well.”

  “You’ve been to professional games?” Tommy asked, stopping his neat assembly of the parts in the box. That surprised him, as he’d expected him to dump them all out. Guess his son was more like him than he figured.

  He looked over at Marissa and saw the frown and knew enough to not offer to bring him to a game but was damn well putting that on his list of fatherly plans. “I have been. What’s your best friend’s name?”

  Marissa grinned at him this time so he assumed he’d handled that situation well. He wasn’t so sure why it bothered him if she approved of what he did. It’s not like he ever had a chance or choice before.

  “Charlie. He’s taller than me. He’s the tallest in the class, but I’m second.”

  “Our family is pretty tall,” he said.

  “Yeah, my grandpa is taller than you all. Well, not taller than his twin.”

  Ryder grinned over the fact Tommy was so accepting of calling his parents Grandma and Grandpa but everyone else was called by their first names, himself included.

  “My Uncle Gavin in Charlotte is the tallest at six foot five. My father, Uncle Garrett and Drake are six foot four. The rest of us are between six one and six three.”

  “How tall are you?” Tommy asked. He was paying more attention to the parts he was laying out but still managing the conversation.

  “I’m six foot two.”

  “The doctor said Tommy should be around that height as an adult,” Marissa said. “But I’m not sure they know. It’s just a prediction.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be close. You’re tall for a woman. What’s the height in the rest of your family?”

  His patties were formed with a blend of his spices and put in the pan to get a nice sear on them. The air fryer was out and he was putting seasoned fries in there. If he’d had more time he’d make them from scratch, but this was good enough. They’d all had plenty to eat today as it was, but it was hours ago and he had a feeling Tommy could put away anything that was placed in front of him.

  “My mother is about my height,” she said. “My father and brother are both about six foot. So yeah, I expect Tommy to at least be that tall.”

  “What position do you like the best in baseball?” Ryder asked, trying to find out anything and everything about his son. He flipped his burgers and then turned back to see the instructions in front of Tommy as he was on the second page. Interesting, he read them all through first, just like him. Not many kids had the patience or understanding to do that.

  “I like first base the best because you get more action that way, but they make you play all the positions. Mom said I might miss the season this year, or the start of it, because of my operation. But that’s okay. If it means I won’t be sick anymore I don’t care. It’s worth it. I missed a lot of the basketball season.”

  It wasn’t said like a child that was upset, but more matter of fact. If it was him as a kid, he’d be upset and pissed, but Tommy seemed more like his cousin Drake that just floated with the wind. Even his brother Bryce was the calm one of his family.

  “Tommy had a lot of infections over the winter. He just couldn’t seem to fight anything and spent several months on one antibiotic after another.”

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; Which he knew wasn’t good. Sam told him all this a few days ago.

  When dinner was finished, Marissa offered to clean up. “You can go help Tommy. I know you’re itching to. Your eyes were following him the entire time you made this awesome dinner. I’ll clean up if you are okay with me in your kitchen.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “Just stick it all in the dishwasher.”

  He got up and almost ran with Tommy to the living room and got to work.

  And now three hours later, he was in his room by himself staring at the ceiling trying to will himself to sleep.

  It wasn’t going to happen. Just too much went on today. It wasn’t just the time spent with Tommy, the conversations and the information he’d found out.

  Not even seeing his family react and accept Tommy in so quickly and unconditionally.

  Nope. It was the brown-haired beauty at the other end of the house that was on his mind.

  She’d lied to him. She played with him. She broke his heart.

  Yet his body was betraying him even worse because he wished she was lying right here next to him as he vividly remembered the months they were together over nine years ago.

  8

  Unconditional Acceptance

  The next morning, Marissa found herself still gazing at the ceiling like she’d done all night long.

  Had she gotten any sleep? She wasn’t sure. She probably dozed on and off but nothing wonderful.

  Thankfully Tommy had been out cold the minute his head hit the pillow.

  But not her.

  She’d put Tommy to bed, then went to the living room and she and Ryder talked some more about Tommy’s life. He had so many questions and she was happy to answer them and feel like he could see a tiny part of what he missed.

  She knew there was no making up for those years. Not in anyone’s eyes, but she was going to damn well try the best she could.

  It wasn’t just those questions that kept her up. It wasn’t the unconditional acceptance and love his family had for Tommy either. No one treated her poorly though there was an underlying tension in the room. She remembered Ryder’s parting words to her when he’d shattered her heart like a mirror crashing to the ground from a hundred feet above. How could that man be from this family?

  Where or who was that person she remembered all those years ago?

  What she’d seen and who she’d talked to in the past week was more of the man she’d fallen in love with. Not the one that so callously discarded her with no explanation.

  The worst of it all though was her body’s reaction to being in Ryder’s presence.

  He still made her heart race and her blood pump. Those harsh words he’d thrown at her seemed too far away when he was acting like the person she remembered before her life changed.

  But all she had to do was look at her son to know and to remember.

  Like she’d ever forget when Tommy was the spitting image of Ryder.

  She grabbed her phone and looked at the time. It was six thirty and there was no way she was going to get any sleep.

  Her mother’s texts were staring at her. When she’d gotten in bed last night she’d texted her mom who had been waiting to hear how it all went. She didn’t say a ton of details but said it was great and better than expected.

  Then her mother wanted to know how she was holding up. She honestly didn’t know and putting it all in text wasn’t worth it. She needed time to process her confusing thoughts.

  She’d been ready to try to sleep when her phone had gone off again and it was Cody this time. He still wished he’d come with them, but she was having none of that. She didn’t need someone to stand up for her. She didn’t need a man to protect her.

  She’d made her own decisions in life and she would own up to them. It’s how she was. It’s who she was.

  She threw the covers back and found her bag on the floor. She didn’t want to turn the light on so she used the glow from her phone while she grabbed her clothes and made her way to the bathroom.

  Once she was showered and dressed, she went out to the kitchen as quietly as she could. She didn’t want to wake Ryder, but she damn well needed some coffee and went right for the one-cup machine.

  She was just sitting at the island when she heard, “I would have made you the good stuff if I knew you were going to get up this early.”

  She turned and caught sight of him standing in the doorway that led to his side of the house wearing nothing more than a pair of shorts. His hair was messed from bed, his eyes a little sleepy and she knew her jaw might have hit the floor.

  Every memory of him she’d been trying to block came slamming back full force betraying her body when she felt a flood of heat go right between her legs.

  “I hope I didn’t wake you,” she said as calmly as she could. “I couldn’t sleep anymore and figured I’d get up. We should leave no later than noon. Probably before, but I don’t want to wake Tommy yet. It was a long day for him yesterday.”

  “I wish you could stay longer, but I understand. Help yourself to whatever you want. I’m going to shower. I’ll be out in a bit.”

  Great. Now she was going to have the image of him naked in her mind again too. The time they’d shared a shower in his dorm when no one was around. He’d had a better suite than she did and they had more privacy at times.

  She went back to her coffee and was scrolling news on her phone. Anything to take her mind off of what was going on in her life.

  “Are you hungry?” Ryder asked twenty minutes later. “I can make some omelets.”

  “I’m good. I don’t eat much right away. I’m sure Tommy will be like an empty pit when he gets up.”

  “Does he like pancakes?” Ryder asked.

  “He eats anything, but pancakes do happen to be one of his favorite things. Blueberry ones to be exact.”

  “If I’d known I would have made sure I had blueberries,” he said, frowning.

  “I didn’t say that for you to feel bad. Just that you like to know.”

  “Yeah. Things I wish I knew and didn’t have to keep asking.”

  She took a deep breath. “I know I can’t tell you I’m sorry enough.”

  “No, you can’t.”

  Since Tommy was sleeping, it might be best to get some of these conversations over with. “What are you going to do in terms of your lawyer?”

  “We’ll work it out. It’s not the time to talk about it.”

  “I know. I guess I’m just nervous.”

  “You should be, but I won’t do anything to hurt him. He seems pretty well adjusted to everything. I see so much of myself in him and then my brothers and cousins. It’s been a lot to take in so I’m trying to process.”

  “Same here,” she said.

  Ryder got out some beans and began to grind coffee, the smell filling the kitchen and making her mouth water.

  “Want a cup of the good stuff?”

  “You know I do,” she said.

  When the pot was done he grabbed her cup and poured, then went to the fridge and came back with creamer for her. She wasn’t sure if he remembered how she drank it or just saw the remains of her first cup.

  Then she wondered why she was wondering that. Other than he drank his black now and not with creamer so that gave her the answer.

  She wasn’t going to be touched he remembered that. She wasn’t going to let anything get through to her hurt heart.

  It wasn’t broken anymore. Or maybe it was. Maybe it never got repaired. Those cracks were slowly filled with her son and she’d gotten to have a small part of Ryder that way without anyone knowing. Without having to share.

  Those days were long gone now.

  “How late does Tommy sleep in? Is it hard to get him out of bed?”

  She smiled. “He likes to sleep. And yes, he doesn’t like to get up though he had no problem jumping out of bed fast yesterday to get here.”

  “That’s nice to hear. He seemed like he had a good time.”

  “He did. He’s so active, but onc
e he’s in bed he’s out. He didn’t even stir last night one bit.”

  “And you’d know that because he would have woken you up or you were wide awake?” he asked lifting his eyebrow. Like he knew or maybe was restless like her.

  “A little of both. It’s a lot to take in, as we keep mentioning.”

  “Yes,” he said, turning to grab a remote and putting the TV on in the family room that they could see. He set it to the news but didn’t seem like he was that interested.

  “I know once Sam gets the results back he has to build a team. What is the timeframe you are looking at for this surgery?”

  “If I can pick the date, then spring break might work. It’s about six weeks away and I know Tommy will have to stay in the hospital a few days. He won’t have to miss as much school, though I know he will be out for a few weeks, maybe more.”

  “Okay. Once you know, please tell me so I can be there too. My whole family would like to be. I guess you could realize that.”

  “I do. My family will be here for it too.”

  “And you can stay here,” he said. “Open offer. Even after, he’s going to have follow-ups I’m sure. You’re both welcome to stay as long as you need to.”

  She wasn’t expecting that nor was she ready to even think of it. “I’ll let you know when the time comes. Thanks for that.”

  He nodded and it seemed they were back to being strangers again.

  “Sounds like someone is up,” she said a few minutes later. Her son always made a ton of noise when he moved, his feet pounding up and down the hall as he ran. “I’ll go check on him and get him in the shower.”

  She got up and left, thankful for the reprieve.

  Tommy was coming out of the bathroom when she was walking toward him. “You’re up earlier than I thought you’d be,” she said.

  “I had to pee. I almost fell out of the top bunk because I forgot I was in it, but I caught myself in time and half landed on the bed below me.”